he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just had sex on a roof
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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