well you can't waste a boner
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
