Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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