my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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