this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
