who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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