So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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