Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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