I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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