So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
