I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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