my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
