i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
