my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
