you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
