you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
