and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
