Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
