Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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