he told me I talked like a deaf person
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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