Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
