she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
