In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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