erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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