There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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