Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
MIDGETS
????
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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