The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize