i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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