Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
