i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
