We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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