if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
