So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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