so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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