At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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