Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Randomize
