we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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