i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
