I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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