Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
