How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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