please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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