Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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