Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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