I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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