I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can't just leave with hair like that
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
