i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
