Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
