Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
