I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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