I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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