i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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